Turning 50

On 22nd January 2021, I will be 50 years old. In some ways, 'so what' you might say. "It's just a number'. Or you could use the hardy perennial of age-related bumper sticker slogans - 'you're only as old as you feel'. Whilst these phrases might in some senses seem upbeat and light-hearted, they, at the same time ignore the societal and cultural expectations that come with reaching such an age. It used to be said (using another trite bumper-sticker phrase) that 'life begins at 40'. If that's true, what does that mean for those us approaching 50? Death begins at 50? Whilst I am being flippant here, it seems interesting and important to probe a bit deeper in terms of what reaching this age signifies. For cricketers, reaching 50 is an important milestone of resistance and competence as a batsman. 50 not out, we say. However, simply having 'survived' until 50 in a developed country like the UK is not uncommon and nothing really to write home about. I think that for many of us, we have tended to look at peers, people we've grown up with, people we know who are a similar age and make comparisons with our own life. In my case, I have a number of friends who have just turned or due to turn 50 who, by many 'outward' measure of success, seem to be successful; some own their own successful businesses, have obtained specific recognition within their chosen sphere of work-life and/ or are senior leaders in organisations. We also, I think, look at personal life and make similar judgements. Pretty much everyone from my friends I grew up with appear to be in successful relationships and all have children/ are part of 'blended families'. However, it strikes me that these are all externally driven measures of success and, as such, are open to influence and, even, manipulation from wider society. What happens if relationships break down, I lose my job or become ill in some way? Have I then 'failed' as a 50 year old? Whilst it is relatively easy to answer such questions with a glib 'of course not!', I think what this draws my attention to is my own internal world. How I am deciding on what a successful life looks like? By what criteria am I judging these things? I am asking myself whether these criteria that I have are those that I have chosen for myself or whether I have, unconsciously, 'received' or accepted these from someone or somewhere else. I believe that if I am judging myself against these externally derived criteria, solely, I run the risk of empowering others to control my personal happiness and wellbeing as opposed to taking ownership of this for myself. I have heard middle age being described as being 'over the hill' which is perhaps an unhelpful and pejorative way of characterising ageing. However, this is probably something helpful in the metaphor of a hill as being like the journey of someone's life. When we are younger, we climb the hill, striving for outward success (job, money, family). We could liken being 50 as reaching the top of the hill, and, as we know, when we reach the top of a hill, we are able to look back on where we have come from but also be able to see what the terrain ahead looks like. Being on our metaphorical '50 year old hill', we could characterise that terrain ahead as being our expectations of what the rest of our life will look like. If we have, at some level, accepted a future of physical and mental decline, we might see the path ahead as being a steep drop downhill, over a rocky terrain that is difficult/ painful to negotiate. On the other hand, we might see a smooth path that extends out as far as we could see at the same level, or a series of other hills to climb, or something else. My point is that as I turn 50, I need to be mindful of what assumptions I making about where I've come from, where I am and where I am planning to go in the future and recognise that I have a choice about what narrative I choose to accept about myself going into my 50s, as these choices are likely to define how I actually experience and navigate the journey that lies ahead.